2 Questions & Answers

   Last Friday Daddy sent me a text after having me plug myself that he wanted me to answer. More so for referencing when I seem to be having a hard time of things. I answered quicker than he had anticipated, but luckily he thought my answers were beautiful. I don't feel like I answered enough, however I was attempting to be straightforward and not babble so much.

1) What does your submissiveness mean to you?

   My submissiveness is my vulnerability. It is my weakness, the holes in my wall that allow only the right kind of outsider to see in. My submissiveness is what could be considered me in the raw. I keep it covered simply because it would be something easily twisted, easily distorted, and easily used by the wrong people/person. It is something I've held closer to me in my life than I have anything else, it is also something I've never given anyone but you. 

   I think it is also something beautiful. It is the part of me that goes beyond doting, beyond lover, beyond servant, and truly beyond jealous psycho bitch. It is the best part of me that I can give. It is me encapsulated into one word, and it is given to "you" that allows me to bring out the best in you. I am there to serve you in not just what you need and require sexually, but in every way. Yes I'll admit I'm having ups and downs with it, but I also know that I'm finding my way through it with you guiding me. It is a new part of me that instead of keeping locked up I am now exploring. It is scary, it is beautiful, and it is the best gift I could possibly give.  

2) What does your Dominant's control mean to you?

   My Dom's control. It means that I have a leader, guidance, boundaries, and that I have someone who sees me for what I am, how I am, naked, raw, ugly, beautiful. It means I am a canvass to be painted, a block to be sculpted, a piece of work. It means I'm never alone, but that I also have a place. It means I have purpose, requirements and expectations to fulfill. It means punishments, it means hardships, and ugly truths that must be faced. It means putting myself out there and allowing the world to beat me up only to be caught by you. Your control, expectations, and requirements are not only to make your life easier, but to make me who I should be. 

   It means I'm loved. 

Babble

   Daddy has told me I need to blog more often even when there isn't necessarily something to blog about. I of course seem to have trouble with this....what do I talk about when I don't have a sense of direction? At least when we have had even the briefest of moments there is something to write about. When I don't have that I seem to just babble about nothing....then again maybe that nothing comes to something.
   The two of us have been off. So horribly off that instead of being like the attractive side of magnets we are the opposite sides, constantly repealing one another. Trying so hard to connect yet this invisible force pushes us backward. I keep trying to blame it on stress. There for about a week and a half to two weeks I was dealing with pain that basically took me out of life, and then this past week Daddy has been dealing with having shingles. Neither one of us...me more than Daddy...paid much attention to the things that needed to get done.
   Because of this "ocean" between us I've found that it's become harder to just be as it was. Daddy said last night in the beginning I had a driving force that really seemed to push me to be submissive and that lately I've been lacking that. I've also noticed that though he still dominates me and I follow his rules, he seems to be adrift from me and doesn't seem as present with me. Because of that my submissiveness has declined rapidly and I've just become this girl that does what she's told to do with walls up. We've discussed it and now we are both aware of where the other one is coming from and all things are understood.
    However, Daddy has asked me to ask other subs if they have ever gone through something similar and what steps were taken by them to rediscover their submissiveness? Was it something their Dom did that helped, or was it steps they took within themselves to bring it back? Any answers are appreciated in any form given.
   I suppose maybe I should just start back at square one. Seeing Daddy as he is, my Dom and I his sub. Maybe if I just focus on the things that drove us to this at the start then I will find that fire again. Also, Daddy stepping up and setting me straight more often than he has been may help. Sometimes I think that external "smack" back to reality is what helps the most.

Reset #2

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Attempting to reset

   Lately life has been difficult on Daddy and I both, thus the reason for the disappearance. Honestly, I can't say that I am for sure what caused it. Stress maybe? Life priorities that managed to get in the way of TTWD? Being ill or in pain from unknown causes? No matter what it was we have been slacking, missing, and apart in more ways than just physically.
   Saturday was finally us time again. Daddy's son was back at his moms, my daughter was being watched by my mom and it was time to try to reconnect. We both needed to reaffirm where we stood with just us.
   I arrived at Daddy's and found him sitting out back smoking a cigar and watching a show on his iPad. He seemed aloof to my presence, not really caring that I was there or not. I needed to shower and "get ready" because we had planned on going out to eat and then coming back to his house. I asked if he was going to shower with me and he said he would once he was done smoking and watching this show. I'll admit that made me feel...well not important. However, I kept my head on and said ok. Knowing that I needed to shave and how long I take in the shower I decided to wait a few minutes and then jump in on my own to get ahead a bit. Otherwise he is done and waiting on me to finish and I hate him having to wait on me like that.
   I start the water, plug my phone in and start playing one of my favorite play lists, strip down and jump in. The water feels refreshing and I get into a groove of humming and singing along with washing. I actually managed to get almost completely done with my shower before Daddy arrived! Hair washed and conditioner in place, body washed, body shaved, and was in the process of rinsing the conditioner when Daddy snuck in behind me. I'll admit, even with head under water and eyes closed I kinda thought he was there. Despite not touching me, I could feel him. So once I was done I turned around and there he stood in all of his glory.
   I washed Daddy...I love washing him. It may sound silly, but there is something in washing someone from the top of their head all the way down to the private parts and further to the toes that is an awesome feeling. I would compare it to washing your own child except that with a child it is for health reasons, and there is no sexual energy there. As small and vulnerable as a child is it is necessary, they can't do it yet themselves. When washing the person you love...getting to certain areas like a cock or an ass, being allowed to clean what can potential be the most uncomfortable places for someone, is an amazing feeling. Despite me being the sub, the vulnerable one, in that moment Daddy is (in my mind, he may not view it the same way), and he is allowing me to be in control of that for a moment.
   Once Daddy was all washed we stayed in the shower, him towering over me with me against the wall. We chatted, we rubbed each other, we kissed, we touched. Soon Daddy was slowly but with force pushing me down. Once I was seated on the floor of the shower looking up at him made me feel so small, but I wasn't scared. I knew what was coming, we had talked about it, and I had been anticipating it every other time since St. Louis that we had been in or near a shower together. Daddy is slowly but deliberately pulling on his cock, blocking the shower water from getting in my face, staring me in the eyes, and then I feel it. Daddy was pissing on me.
   He started on my left shoulder allowing it to run down in all of its warmth, and then moved over my breasts to my right shoulder. Going back and forth slowly, being careful to avoid my face, covering me as best he could. I'll admit it wasn't the horror story I was expecting it to be. It turned me on, and in its own way, calmed me. I thought I would feel demeaned, instead I felt owned. Afterwards Daddy helped me up and we switched places so I could rinse off before he gathered me in his arms and quietly said "I own you, you know that? You are mine."
   In that moment, the rest of the world melted away even if it was only briefly. We soon stepped out of the shower, and to the bed where Daddy decided to eat dessert before dinner. Yum....god I love it when he eats me out. Even though I can't seem to stay still it is the best feeling ever!
   Instead of going out, we ordered pizza and went to pick it up. Coming back to his house we ate and sat on the couch for a bit. Some of the other issues we had been having still seemed to linger even after the shower scene, and though I'll admit I soon forgot what caused the initial issue between us that night, we made it to the bed where we chatted while I laid across his lap.
   At one point I basically told Daddy to just fuck me, which sounds demanding, however it was the best way at the time for me to say what I was trying to say. And fuck me he did.
   His cock was so hard moving in and out of me that I came harder than I had in a long time. It felt so amazing to just have him inside of me, and pulverizing my pussy with his cock. It must have felt good to him to, because there was a few times he had to stop and breathe which made me feel great. Not only was I enjoying what he was doing, but so was he! When I came again coating his cock in my juices, he started cumming as well. We hadn't even made it to doggy style, which is Daddy's best and favorite way to come! All in all, it was amazing, and it allowed Daddy to let out some frustrations as well as put me in my place.
 
   Even still the rest of this week with us has been up and down. I've been having issues and I'm not sure what they are stemming from. It's not Daddy's fault nor is it his problem, but nonetheless its a problem. I'm feeling misunderstood a lot lately, or simply not important. Maybe it's because we haven't had as much us time as we were having, or maybe because in my vanilla world I'm dealing with more issues than I was previously. I did however tell Daddy that I know we will be fine. We will figure it all out and how to work it and eventually everything will come back to how it was, or maybe it will find a new better way to be. But in the end I'm still in it, I still want it, and I still want him. I will always want him.
   Daddy has been attempting to get me to plug everyday this week. I say attempting because there was an hour long failure the other day to embarrassing to even type out here >_< but needless to say, that day it didn't work out. He admitted to me yesterday that he wanted to take my ass again this weekend, and though I am yet again nervous, I can see no better way for him to assert what is rightfully and truthfully his.

Poem To Daddy

Now I set me at your feet

My Body, My Life, My Soul to keep,

To serve and use as you see fit,

Only to you will I submit.

Now I set me at your feet,

My Body, My Life, My Soul to keep,

To learn and be guided by only you,

Knowing you shall see me through.

Now I set me at your feet,

My Body, My Life, My Soul to keep,

Doing the best that I able,

Trusting you to keep me stable.

Now I set me at your feet,

My Body, My Life, My Soul to keep,

To serve and use as you see fit,

Only to you will I submit.

-M.C.