Sleeping While Plugged and Good Morning Blowjobs!

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Good Girl

   I was a good girl this last week! No punishments for me on Saturday, although technically he admitted he let one thing slide. I was still thankful that I didn't have to feel the leather of the belt across my ass.
   On Saturday my mother, daughter, and I went out shopping and running around having girl time. Because of this I wasn't paying attention like I was supposed to and my 3 hour contact limit was up and long past by the time I texted him. I honestly didn't think anything about it until I was finally at his house and he told me. Oops >_<! He gave me a fair warning and let it slide however.
   Instead of punishment he decided maintenance was in order, so we went to his room where I displayed my ass to him as I laid across his lap. By the time he was finished my cheeks were rosy, warm, and numb. I thanked him, and then started sucking his cock. After awhile he had me lay across the bed with my head hanging off so I could continue sucking him as he fucked my mouth and played with me to his liking. This was somewhat a first for me. I've been in the position before but I was the one who still did the moving. This time he was fucking my mouth which made his balls smack me in the face repeatedly. I wanted to laugh, but I managed to keep myself in check while he pleasured himself.
   Soon after he was inside of me fucking me so hard that it hurt and felt good at the same time. He had me pretzeled so I couldn't possibly get away, and despite the pain I came many times. He then flipped me over for a good old fashioned doggy style! He rammed me and stuck his entire length inside of me while I screamed and came all over his cock. I could tell he was getting close because he suddenly grabbed a hold of my hips and used my flesh as grips to pull himself into me harder and faster. I could hear our juices mixing together as he pounded into me while releasing himself, and with a victorious almost angry sigh he pulsated as hard as he could making me spew out all of our juices over his emptied cock.
   It was a wonderful night, both of us feeling happy and spent. I drove home to happily pass out! Luckily for me, my daughter decided that Sunday was a good day for sleeping in!

Mid-week mini-punish

   I had forgotten about this one. Silly me. While out with my mother and daughter last week my mom had (I assumed) order a dessert for my daughter. A small half scoop of ice cream and literally a tiny brownie bite. When the dessert got the table and my daughter's eye's lit up, my mom took a plate set the brownie on it and gave it to me. Apparently the brownie was for me, the ice cream for my daughter.
   I still haven't learned how to "ask for permission to eat bad food" in front of others, especially when placed on the spot like that. I told myself it was literally just a bite of brownie, and proceeded to eat it. Later when I talked to Daddy I told him about it and his reply was:

You didn't ask me if you could have a brownie, Pet. 

   Well no I didn't, but I didn't know how to stop and say "Hey Mom, thanks for thinking I would like this bite of brownie, hang on while I text my boyfriend who I now call Daddy because we've entered into a new dynamic in our relationship that you would view as archaic and disgusting, to ask permission to eat it!" I just don't think that would have played out well.
   So I was supposed to be punished for the brownie along with my Saturday punishment, but after taking the beating for my tone I think Daddy decided I had had enough. So at work on Thursday he asked me if I was busy, and strangely enough I wasn't. He had me grab a piece of paper, label each said "1" and "2" and write line like back in grade school!!!

"I will not eat bad foods without daddy's permission."

   How embarrassing!!!! And strangely effective, because once I was done I had no desire to disobey that rule again. With other punishments, though they are harsh and can be painful, there is a sweetness at the end of them. I get to lay in his arms, or feel him then take care of me, talk to me. With this all I was left with was a cramping hand and a dissatisfied sense of loneliness. He was across town at his job, and I was at my desk. There was no embrace, sweet kiss, nothing. Just a "Good Girl" text when I sent him the pictures to show him I did indeed write lines. 

   I suppose some punishments have to have no pleasure associated with them.....if not I might be a bad girl more often, but I really hope this doesn't become a thing. >_<

Maintenance, Punishments, and Filling Voids

   The last week has been full of busyness. So much so that I haven't had a moment to spare in order to sit down and write about it! How frustrating. I'm hoping I remember as much as I can so I can get it all down. I'm not sure why, but documenting it makes me feel centered.
   Let's start 6 days ago ending with my last post. I was in trouble and I knew it. However, after sitting at work and trying to focus that empty feeling started creeping back up on me. I was texting Daddy at the time and made him aware of it. He was responding well, but I wasn't feeling like he was helping me. I realize that I should just be happy with his attention and responses, but I felt like I was getting worse....and sadly desperate. I was practically begging for him to tell me to put the plug in, but I knew if I offered that option he would tell me no.
   He decided to come pick me up for lunch, figuring that that day would be a good day to start my maintenance. We went to the park and crawled interestingly into the backseat of the car. After me having a bit of a panic about being in "public" he decided that I could keep my pants up. I laid across his lap while he spanked me. It was nice laying there, the spanking helped put me back in the right mindset. I figured out I have to learn to trust in him more. I never realized how being the only one to have your own back made it hard to finally relinquish that power and trust someone else to have it for you. I kept having to look up fully expecting a crowd around the car pointing and staring at me getting spanked. It went on for about 30 minutes, him spanking me, us talking, spanking, talking...until finally it was just us talking. About then I had been away from work for almost an hour and we still hadn't had lunch. So we climbed back upfront and grabbed a quick bite before he dropped me back off.
   The downside is that empty feeling was still with me. Daddy ordered me to go to the bathroom and do 3 sets of 15 crunches. So, of course I did. After I got back to my desk he then said "good girl, now take the butt plug and go put it in, let me know when your finished." Now I feel like a dumbass. I was just in the bathroom doing crunches pretending I was doing other things in the bathroom. However, I still went and did it. In the end the day got better, but Saturday was still looming.

  Saturday I got to his house right at 8pm. We sat on the couch for a bit, and then I sat on the floor and folded his laundry. Considering he had traveled Friday and home Saturday and was leaving again Sunday to come back Monday I figured he might enjoy it. After I was done we decided it was time. Punishment was upon me.
  He took me to the spare room and had me strip my pants and panties off. Then up on the bed with ass in air. After he handcuffed my hands behind my back, and fluffed the bed around me making sure I could breathe well.

You know why your being punished right? 

 Yes, Daddy

You disrespected me, yelled at me, when you were told to gain control over your emotions. That is unacceptable Pet. So how should I punish you? How many lashes?

 I don't know, Daddy

I'm thinking 10 to start out with...

 Whatever you say, Daddy

   This is when I hear the belt cut through the air. I tighten up, scared and exhilarated all at the same time. The first one his my right side ass cheek, and I cringe as the sting shoots all over my body. The second on my left ass cheek, and its starting to feel worse. He proceeded to go back and forth like that and by the forth one I was bawling. I instinctively tried to move and and grabbed me and put me back in place telling me to stay put. 5,6,7 OWwwwwwww. He asks if I'm alright and I shake my head yes while trying to gasp out "y-y-y-yes, da-da-dad-daddy." 8,9,10...and I'm just buried as far into the bed as I can go.
   He takes off the cuffs, and has me in his arms in a matter of minutes, just letting me bury my face in his chest. He rubs my ass to lessen the sting, asking if I learned my lesson. I again stammer out a yes daddy, and then promptly thank him for my punishment. Once done, we go back in the living room and I start sucking his cock. My gag reflex is hypersensitive, and he usually makes me vomit, but I was enjoying making him jump and ohhh and ahhh.
   Apparently I did really good because he takes me right there on the couch, fucking me fast and hard. Soon we move it to the bed room where he plants me on the edge of the bed and starts eating me out. My oh my, Daddy's tongue is amazing. I cum repeatedly, squirting on his chest as he hums with satisfaction. Next thing I know he is sticking a finger up my ass and in my pussy as well while attacking my clit with his teeth and tongue, and I feel a wave build up inside of me that I simply cannot hold back. I cummed so hard and so long that by the end of it I was just making pure animalistic sounds. After that Daddy entered me again, and pounded me, using me as he and I both needed. His cumming inside of me was like icing on the cake, my final reward in this amazing moment between the two of us. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't clean, it was pure desire, dirty, and messy. I loved it.
   We laid on the bed after both breathing hard like we'd run a mile, sweat pouring off of us and basking in the fan's air flow. Then we snuggled and I so desperately wanted to sleep in his arms. But I had to drive home, and it was almost 2am by this point. So we got dressed and he walked me to my car, orders to text when I arrived home was given. By this point I am fully back in my place and wanting to please, so I texted him before I ever got out of my car once home.

   I've been on much better behavior so far this week, and haven't had a creepy empty feeling...yet. Can't say I won't, but it's going good so far!
   Can't wait to see what he has in store for us next. Our two year anniversary is coming around the corner and he said he already has plans in place. I have to spend the night.... *happy dance*

I'm In Trouble...

   Oh boy, I've done it now. After trying really hard to not step out of line, and keep my emotions in check, I've crossed one. One of those....lines....
   It happened this morning, and I knew as soon as I did it, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself. I seem to have the most trouble keeping my mouth in check when I am in a frustrated/frazzled/upset state of mind. Which honestly looking back I've kind of been in an "off" state of mind since Monday. Not sure what happened, really nothing happened which could be the problem. Monday I just felt empty, like a massive hole was inside of me. However, Daddy had me insert the plug while at work and it seemed to help! At the very least it turned my Monday around for me.
   Still though, even after inserting the plug and then later taking it out, there is something off. A dark cloud, not looming over me, but behind me and creeping closer. Since Monday I've been treading, looking back I can see it, and he could see it at the time. He kept making small checks to remind me of who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing. Which helped again, but it didn't feed the monster.
   This morning while driving to work it was raining, and so of course all of the stupid people were out, and traffic kept stopping. A drive that normally takes me 30 minutes on a bad day took me 60, and it was stressing me out. Of course I was on the phone with Daddy the whole time. When I woke, I had texted him that I needed to stop for gas and then I would call him. He had apparently texted me back asking which gas station, but I hadn't heard my phone buzz and I think by that point I was already at the gas station. So when I got back in my car and called him, he was kind of in a funk because he was going to meet me if it had been one close to him.
   Now he is in a funk, and I've got this lingering cloud...not going good anywhere fast right? We start talking, and I'm driving, dealing with stupid drivers. Everything is going fine, until I have to slam on my breaks (and pray that my tires don't lock and I slide into someone or off of the ramp) because every one came to a dead stop for just a moment. The traffic in general wasn't stopped, it was just where every one was merging, and the people around here can not merge to save their life. So, I did want I think most people do, I started yelling. I'll admit I have road rage, not the chase you down honking my horn kind, but the kind where if something I consider dramatic happens I tend to wave my hands and yell, and possibly flip someone off. That's about it, the problem came from me yelling while I was on the phone with him.
   He immediately tells me to stop yelling, and stop focusing on them, that I am on the phone with him and I need to focus there.  My reaction, "How can I not focus on them? If I don't I'll get into a wreck and possibly die!" Which then led to some back in forth banter in which my voice was raised.....*wasn't there an expectation about my tone and the way I talked....shit*
   Finally, I apologize, I don't tend to yell at other drivers often, at least I've slowed down a bunch, but I usually only do it now when I am surprised and have to take some kind of action to avoid hitting them. I guess it is my way of coping with the magnitude of stress involved in near/possible collisions. I've been in a bad bad bad wreck before, and fear getting into another one. So, I yell. I get it out right then and there and I can't seem to prevent myself from doing it, it just happens. When he then responded the way I did, instead of making me feel better, it just triggered that downward spiral...and now...I'm in trouble. He sent me an email saying this:

Baby girl, I sent you a txt stating that I apologize for getting upset on how you express yourself and I don't mind you expressing yourself, however its that one way that gets under me. So don't get the wrong idea

Having said that below is Principle rule bullet 2:

Baby girl must be honest and respectful , even when she thinks he is in the wrong, she will be respectful in her tone, actions and mannerisms

I was wrong and apologized, but this infraction will result in a consequence.

   I've seemed to handle knowing a punishment was coming before this with relative ease, partially through ignorance. However, I've been through enough now to know that I don't want it. I'm kind of scared, butterflies, sick to my stomach thinking about it. I realize I'm in "training", but this feels like the real damn thing to me. We are supposed to meet at the gym tonight, and I don't want to go. At first I was afraid he would try to punish me there when no one was looking, but I'll have my daughter with me and we agreed that the kids don't get to "see" any of this. So, I think I'm relatively safe from it tonight, but come Saturday.....
   How do others deal with this feeling? Am I the only one that feels like avoidance is the answer, obviously knowing it isn't, but that you want to run away from it? I know at the very least I must answer for my actions, and that I am ok with. My problem is I seem to have a low pain tolerance, and yet there is a deep part of me that enjoys it to an extent. I guess come Saturday I will find out. Until then.....I think I am going to go hide in my cloud.

Mother's Day Weekend

  The past few days have been interesting. Daddy finally gave me his rules and expectations! Now I at least know where I stand and what will get me in trouble. I was a bit overwhelmed when he sent them to me and I read them all for the first time. Three and a half pages later all I could think of was "how in the hell will I ever NOT be in trouble???" However, I suppose that is the point of training right?
  He came to visit me at work for lunch and we went over the rules and discussed almost every single one of them. He was trying very hard to make sure I realized that he set all of these in place to help me and/or make me a better person, but I could tell that just from reading them. Obviously like any other person I have issues and areas I could be more focused in, and because of that certain rules have been placed into effect. He allowed me to post them here on this blog so I could have a copy should I ever lose my other one. Now a few days later I don't feel so overwhelmed by them all, I know I will have trouble remember some, but I also know he will be quick to put me back in my place should I forget....in fact that's already happened!
  This weekend was enjoyable, Saturday J (daughter) and I went to Daddy's house to hang out with him and his son. We spent a good part of the day enjoying each other's company and I helped clean his house. When we first arrived Daddy and I were in his bedroom while the kids watched TV, he had me strip halfway and "get in position." Daddy and I have never done anal, more importantly I have never done anal, and it is something he would like to do. So he has taken steps to prepare me for what is to come. We started with an extremely small butt plug that resulted in a very embarrassing moment for me! Then we went a little larger and found one that seemed to work well and stay in place. So when he said get in position, it was because he wanted to put the plug inside of me and have me wear it around for awhile. I was happy to oblige!
   After getting it in he tapped on it which sends this very interesting vibration through me, it is quite nice actually. Soon after make me squirm a little he pushed himself inside of me effectively filling me up. I came almost instantly and then repeatedly until he came as well. Considering the kids are only a room away we had to be quiet and quick! Then some time later after helping clean he rewarded me by eating me out, which Daddy does beautifully!
   The rest of the weekend was uneventful. Mother's Day went by relatively smoothly spending time with my family while Daddy went to work. It was quiet and a good rest day despite my seemingly dramatic family.

In The Beginning

   D/S is something that I have been attracted to for quite some time. However, I was never in the right situation to dive into it deeper than what I truly wanted. Between not being with the right people, and not truly being honest with myself about my circumstances, I've just constantly lurked in the shadows fantasizing about what it must be like. I have to admit, going into this, for the longest time I had a...well....obstructed view about what D/S is.

   I first ran into BDSM on a porn site. I had seen a little kink here and there, but never really had the guts to watch anything. I always thought that I should be disgusted by it, "It isn't normal." However, I always found myself thinking about things like chains, whips, obeying, and punishments, wondering what it must feel like, what does it do to someone? So I got up the courage to watch one night while I was pleasing myself, and to my astonishment I was completely turned on by pretty much all of it in it's entirety. I've never made myself cum so fast while watching porn. Needless to say, I was hooked.

   This led me into looking things up and reading. I knew that those clips I watched were a show and that it truly wasn't really what it was like. After all, when that scene ends they go back to whatever normal life they have, this isn't their lifestyle necessarily. So I wanted to dig deeper, it was like a mystery I needed to solve.

   I found a few blogs, and after reading a few posts here in there from other subs I decided to go to their beginnings and read. All of the blogs I currently follow I have gone back and read everything I could that they've written. I've learned more from them than anything else on the internet. All of them are different, and yet some form of submission is the connecting key. Through all of their different view-points I became enthralled. 

    About two weeks ago is where my story as Pet truly began.

                                                                                                                                                                 

    I've been with Daddy for almost two years now. It has been an interesting two years, we have had many ups and many downs. However, through it all we've grown in many different ways. Despite going through moments where I believed it was over or falling apart, somehow he always managed to grab the pieces and say "Let's fix this," before I ever managed to throw them all away.

   Daddy is a very sexual person, has been from day one. So in the beginning of our relationship I let him know that when I watched porn I watched BDSM, that's it. Call me a one trick pony, but I had figured out long before that this was what I liked. Back then he told me he had watched a few clips like that and that seemed to be the end of it.

   Our relationship was vanilla to an extent. Daddy being a sexual person means that it was kinkier than I had been previously used to with others in my past, but it was still straight vanilla sex. Doggy-style was about the kinkiest thing we had ever done. Through this I still fantasized about what it would be like to be in the D/S dynamic, but instead of a play in my head to please myself with, it became a want in my life. It caused me to search myself, and ask myself what I wanted and why did I want it. Honestly, I'm still not sure if I can answer those questions straight, but I have come to the conclusion that I am content and almost impatient with my choice to say that, Yes, I want this.

    About two weeks ago, Daddy became Daddy. Honestly it was like a switch flipped in him. We had had talks before where I was more straight forward about my interest and want in a D/S dynamic, and suddenly he was full fledged into it. 

    Let it be known, Daddy has never been a Dom before this. But I saw something in him, after he went through a few rough months and had to do some true soul searching of his own, I saw something beneath his skin that I'm not sure he knew was there. Presence. The confidence in himself grew exponentially, instead of wavering in decisions, he was sure. Instead of doting on past mistakes and hurts he has incurred throughout life, he became present and productive. He literally 180ed himself. He gained control over his emotions, his thoughts, his life. When this shift happened, I began to notice that I responded differently to him. My respect for him rose to more than I have ever respected a partner in my life, and through all of this I just knew that if anyone was capable of being what I needed for what I was searching for, it was him.

   So, I slowly brought up D/S and within a week or two he was researching things himself. He ordered books to read, and started implementing certain things. Testing waters so to speak. Two weeks ago was the first time he truly referred to himself as my Dom and I his Sub. This is no longer a fantasy for me anymore, it is fastly becoming my life. And I am excited.