It's been a rough time this week and parts of last for me. Well, that's not entirely true. It's been a very testing time. That sounds more right.
Daddy and I last had sex on the 12th. You see I have the Mirena for birth control, and mine "expired" on the 13th. My appt for my new one wasn't until the 18th, so we used our last day of covered protection. It just so happened that the 18th and the 19th Daddy was out of town as well. From experience I know the Mirena will cause me to bleed off and on for a few months after the initial insertion. So I've been bummed, but dealing with it. Surprisingly I've stopped bleeding and am now only experience random spotting.
Last Saturday I lost control. I was feeling over whelmed with chores, life, and the fact that I'm beyond horny and he hasn't so much as touched me sexually since the 12th that I blew up.....at Daddy. So bad so that I punched the fridge. (Bad right??) Afterwards, when I had calmed down and knowing I fucked up, I quietly said to Daddy that I didn't know how to fix what I had done. He told me to insert the plug and then come back out. I'm still using the new bigger plug, and because I was so worked up it hurt going in, but I didn't want to waste time trying to ease it in so I pushed through it. We talked and sorted through the current issues I was having, but it was more a matter of sweeping it under the rug. We went on about the day, going shopping, and even going for a walk (even with the plug still inside but starting to ache something fierce).
I don't remember which night it was, but Daddy told me that I was going to be punished for my loss of control, and also because I didn't wear make up twice last week. So now I am wondering if everyday is punishment day, but still so far nothing. I asked him the other night if I just wasn't good enough or sexy enough or wanting enough because he still hasn't made a move towards me sexually. I was starting to take it personally that I just wasn't....enough. He hasn't even been doing maintenance like he stated he would. What else was I to think? (I know I should know better, but my head really fucks me up.)
Every day this week I've started asking him "what can I do to be pleasing today." Because I am truly trying to settle into my submissiveness rather than my defenses. Usually me being pleasing to him seems to involve plugging my ass, no matter if I'm at work, at home....anywhere. And I'm quite happy to oblige. I love being plugged, and I love knowing that I'm plugged for him so he can have my ass when he wants. Today me being pleasing was plugging my ass and blogging about the few things we've talked about this week.
Two nights ago I asked Daddy if he was going to take a shower before bed, and he said no he would take one in the morning. I said "oh, ok." He asked me why, and I told him that because if he takes a shower then there is a chance....(me thinking sex, him thinking blowjob apparently) So he takes a quick shower, but I am definitely NOT giving my hopes up. He crawls into bed and we chat. No moves were made so we said good night and I rolled over, to which he goes "Guess there really isn't a chance huh." After I ask what he tells me he thought I was going to give him a blowjob and I said I oh I meant sex, but if he would like a blow job I was more than willing. He says yes (duh who wouldn't) and I proceed to give him a blowjob. I'm not sure what made this one any different that any of my others, but even I could tell I was doing it better. I felt more confident doing it, and was actually enjoying it....like a lot. After he came I kept suckling him, licking him, kissing him, riding his cock all the way down, and once he was soft again I kissed him on his head and rolled back over to my side.
Last night we were talking and he let me in on the fact that him not doing anything sexual to me was my punishment for not wearing make up. I asked him if he could clue me in next time because if I at least know its for a punishment then the feelings that I am feeling can be directed to a "why". Otherwise I feel it personally and simply just don't get it. He spanked me after I said he hasn't even given me maintenance (he says I basically demanded it but I disagree). It hurt and was stingy, and then my ass warmed up and even though it hurt and still stung it felt good to. I wanted him to keep going, but he quit!!
I also told him I sensed a pattern in myself. That goes something like: We have sex ----I get horny-----I get frustrated-----I blow up over small things and get out of control-----I feel guilty for blowing up-----I dive deeper into submission-----we have sex------repeat. He said I should dive into submission all the time, which I agreed. Now that I know my pattern I can work on fixing it, and bettering myself for him. He grabbed my hand to his cock which was almost fully hard and said "See I'm torturing myself to, all to punish you."
That got me to thinking. If this is my punishment and I'm bearing it, then he should suffer as well. So I pulled his boxers off of him, and sucked his cock again. I was enjoying it so much I almost came when he did. I was truly lost in him. The night before when he came I had started going faster trying to simulate sex, last night I attempted to slow down as he came, trying to make him ride the waves of his orgasm. I was so lost in it that when I finally stopped I realized that I was on the edge of cumming. I stopped myself as hard as it was....I'm in punishment after all. Again I sucked him until he was soft, kissed his head, and rolled over to my spot. Soon he was snoring, which me in a horny blaze tossed and turned, had weird sex dreams, woke up, tossed and turned some more. I finally fell asleep though I have no idea what time it was.
Today all I can focus on is wanting to suck his cock again, the plug in my ass, and the fact that I am forcing my legs to stay open. I'm so horny that I'm positive if I rubbed my jeans the right way I'll be cumming in no time. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's taking every ounce of self restraint I have to not do something about it!!!! I'm not sure how long this will go on.....but I hope Daddy sees that I am doing my best.
No comments:
Post a Comment