Rough Patches

   I have been going through a few rough patches this last two weeks. Daddy has been understanding, but in a sense went through the with me. I had started feeling...how should I say...different, not my usual self, and decided to take a pregnancy test. You see, I have a Mirena, so technically I shouldn't have a "scare", but once you think something you have to know for sure. And god forbid, don't google about it, you will convince yourself of every living horror there could be.....so of course that's exactly what I did! Thus believing I was potentially with child, I made a doctor's appointment, and proceeded to ponder what the hell would happen if I was.
   Telling Daddy about it kind of created an internal battle within myself, more so than what I was already having. I know neither one of us are currently in a good position to bring any more kids into the world. However, I love babies and kids and I sooooooooo desperately want another one. So I was conflicted with this odd joy at the prospect, fear at the prospect (because a lot can go wrong with a Mirena inside of you if you get pregnant considering that it's supposed to "prevent" that from happening), and a slight anger at the prospect. So needless to say, I hopped onto the emotional roller coaster and took a few spins around the track, all the while leaving Daddy walking on eggshells.
   I wanted Daddy's honesty, yet honestly it upset me. He of course was the voice of reason:

We are in no position right now.

Think about your schooling? How would you do it then?

What about your career? All of your goals you want to accomplish before having another one?

   There was more, but that is the jist. However, I wasn't satisfied with that answer and instead of being submissive to his reasons, I wanted him to part-take in my "what-if" scenario. Which reluctantly he finally did.

What if I am? What is the next step?

I don't know...probably abortion.

   And right there I honestly felt disgusted, my heart dropped, and I wanted to cry. However, I knew I pried this out of him, and I knew that that was what he was gonna say. So how would it be fair of me to react negatively? I did my best to remain composed and not actually take it out on him. He could tell I was put off, and so he backed off a little from me.

   The week went on with me going through these odd ups and downs. I cried in Daddy's arms a few times, without really ever having a reason as to why. I just couldn't help it, I was stuck in a black hole of sorts. But Daddy was there, and he held me, and he listened to me ramble.
   I went to the doctors appointment and Daddy ended up showing up there and surprising me. It felt so good to have him there with me. It was sweet of him to take the time out of his day, and actually rushing because he had been out of town at a job site, to make sure he made it there to be with me. Also, he is extremely uncomfortable going to someone else's doctor's appointments, as he sees them as very private affairs. So the fact that he put that aside, and rushed to me, to be there with me no matter what was amazing. We sat in the waiting room and I just sniffed him, I love the way he smells.
   I'd like to think it all came back negative. They did a urine test which was negative, and just to make sure they took some blood as well. I was told that if the results were positive I would receive a phone call, and if it was negative I would get a letter. I haven't received either yet so that's basically gotta mean "You're a hypochondriac stop freaking" right? : p
   Honestly, I'm not sure what was going on with me, if my body was just going through some weird change like female bodies normally do or what, but I came to the conclusion that I no longer thought that I was pregnant. I was just frightened by signs and possibilities and then fixated on them to an extreme that I shouldn't have. My problem is I err on the side of caution...even when I shouldn't.
 
   Thanks to this emotional rough patch, Daddy kind of backed off of "Dom" mode, and I became testier. I still did a lot of the routine things, however I had more of a smart mouth. Something I know I will be paying for soon.
   Besides that the last few day's have been Daddy and I getting back into the swing of it.....there is other things I must get out...but they deserve a post all their own ;)